Don't stop believing...

I don't really like talking about religion or beliefs. In my experience either everyone agrees and the conversation goes nowhere, or no one agrees and everyone gets angry because someone else dares to question their beliefs. The subject of religion is just too incendiary for my liking. My point is don't expect many posts of this kind.

I come from a religious family. I was raised with the church as a large part of my background; indeed, my grandfather and step-grandmother were officers (ministers) in the Salvation Army, I have aunts and uncles and various peripheral family members who are also ministers, basically my family are all 'Army' going back at least two generations. Church on Sunday has been a part of my routine since before I can remember. I joined both the youth brass band (YP Band) and adult choral group (Songsters) at Romford Salvation Army. Even when we holiday with my step-grandmother in Christchurch, Bournemouth we attend the Salvation Army Sunday morning service at the local hall.

But I am not a Christian. This is not to say that I do all of the above things under protest, nor am I forced to do them. I have made many friends at the Army; unsurprising, most Christians are very kind, welcoming people. I love playing the cornet (small, more classical version of a trumpet) and singing in the Songsters (I'm a bass (the really deep voice guys)) and enjoy my work as part of the team who record and release CD's of the morning meetings to those unable to attend the actual service. It's not that I think Christianity as a whole, or religion as a whole for that matter, is completely wrong. I have seen much of the good work it can do.

I don't know what I would call myself. Of course, I know the groups; Theist, Agnostic, Atheist, but I can't conclusively put myself in any single one of them. I'm certainly not enough of a believer to be theist, but I'm not completely sure that some kind of god does not exist. You'd think that would make me agnostic, but too me that implies some vested interest in whether there is a god.

Simply put, I do not care whether there is a god.

That sounds bad, I know, and I don't mean in an arrogant way. What I mean when I say I don't care is that I'm not really bothered. At this moment in time, I don't live my life based on a staunch belief in either science or religion. While I trust science, I'm not on the lookout for the next big discovery. And while I sometimes cry out or pray when I'm desperate, as Robert Langdon says in Angels & Demons (a decent movie) "Faith is a gift I have yet to receive."

But I still have my doubts. Sometimes I feel like I should care, like the answers to these questions should be more important to me than they are. Am I being immature, not caring whether a god exists? Will my life lack direction until I 'pick a side'? Am I simply an agnostic in childish denial? I try not to worry too much. People seem to have so many worries in their life these days that I don't like to add to them by vocalising my problems or doubts. But very occasionally, I do wonder. So, if anyone has actually made it this far past all my rambling, I would like to pose to you some questions.

Is it okay for me not to care whether there is a god?

Am I doing myself a disservice from a lifestyle point of view?

Is there a word for someone who doesn't care whether there is a god?

How do I get my whites so pristine?
(Don't worry about that last one, I know the secret)

So there you have it. As I said, I don't really like bringing up religion as a discussion topic, it creates a lot of friction. But now I have this forum available I feel like I may as well use it for something which could further enrich my life. Just as a side note, I am happy with my life. These questions aren't keeping me awake at night (I don't sleep much anyway) and I'm not secretly tortured by them. As seems to be a theme, I kinda don't care. But take that as you will.

I'd appreciate your thoughts, on this and anything else. As always if you'd like me to do a post on a particular subject, feel free to request it, or if you have any tips to make this a better blog, I'd very much appreciate those. Finally, a very good day to you, Sir's and Madam's, until we meet again.